Battle of the Damned

Dolph Lundgren as a mercenary hired to retrieve a rich man's daughter, seen this before but could be interesting. But rather than enemy troops or Russian mobsters, the problem is zombies and an imminent airstrike to deal with them , ok this has my attention. And there's robots, yes robots, ok I need to see this like yesterday.

The pretitle sequence, (which runs a full 15 minutes) intercuts Dolph's taking the assignment and being assured there’s no danger beyond getting past the military blockade and the zombies decimating the men in his team, (“They lied to you” “No shit” ). Of course he survives and refuses to be evacuated to stay and finish the mission anyway. So much for logic.

We also get to see plenty of zombies being dispatched by multiple methods including stabbing, and not a knife to the head type stabbing but blade to the heart and throat cuttings, (later we'll get to see the big guy actually choke a zombie out), so we also learn that these zombies don't play by the usual rules. Granted they're the result of an experimental bioweapon getting accidentally released but still stabbing and choking zombies just seems wrong.

Our hero finds the girl within a few minutes of the credits finally rolling and his men being killed, (hows that for luck?), but of course there's a catch. There's a small group of other survivors and she refuses to leave without them. Add a megalomaniac leader who’s not willing to give up his power to get rescued, a girl who wanders around in nothing but nightgowns, a jealous boyfriend and suddenly you're wondering why he doesn't just toss her over his shoulder and run for it. Hell, even after they set him up and leave him for the zombies he still comes back to save all their asses.

And it's after they head out, (and almost an hour into the movie), that the robots show up. They look like something out of a 50's film, (and are leftovers from the director's previous film “Robotropolis” ) and are something of a deux ex machina with them as both the deux and the machina. Appearing out of nowhere just in time to help our heroes, or at least some of them, escape in one piece. Despite the impact they make in the trailer they really are underwhelming in the film itself, although Dolph's interaction with them "What do you do with zombies?" "We fuck them up" is fun.

Apart from that well, Dolph looks pretty convincing kicking zombie ass and actually looks better than he has in anything besides the Expendables films recently. It's kind of hard to say about one of the actors who inspired me to get my ass in the gym back in the day, but he's been looking pretty ratty in some his recent films. I mean he looks great for a guy pushing 60 who hasn't gone Stallone's route of massive steroid and HGH use, but as a killing machine he's been a bit less than convincing lately. It may be time for him to start directing more, (he's already directed six of his films) and acting less. That said, I can't wait to see him fight Tony Jaa in “A Man Will Rise”.

When all is said and done “Battle of the Damned” is a mashup of the horror and action genres that doesn't really succeed as either but if you're in an undemanding mood and have some beer on hand might be a good time killer.