Storm Troopers U.S.A.

                                                               Filmed in 1969 and apparently never released, (for reasons that are obvious by about 10 minutes into the film), this shot on 16mm cheapie  sat on the shelf gathering dust until the magic of home video let it find an audience. Sometimes magic isn't a good thing...

  Shot in Florida, this tells the tale of a bunch of American Nazis who are about to unleash “Operation 11”, (two steps further in boredom than Plan 9), on an unsuspecting country. This involves blowing up electrical plants, using a remote control boat to blow up a destroyer and taking over a hotel. Given the budget of course all we get is the taking over of a damn near deserted hotel. Having run over an FBI agent sent to infiltrate them earlier they think they're in the clear, but what they don't know is the hotel's manager has been replaced by another agent...

  Even with it's budget this could still have been a tense little exploitation number, a distant ancestor of “Die Hard” even. But the clowns making this were so inept in every possible way it's a total failure. The film is padded out to feature length with a long intro consisting of World War 2 combat footage and many scenes are shot without dialogue, just the horrible music score to save the cost of recording it. And given how awful that dialogue is that may actually be a blessing. Long expository monologues delivered straight into the camera and threats that are so over the top, delivered by “actors” even further over  it they're funny rather than intimidating.

The movie's over, let's party!

  And when they stop talking and actually do something it only gets worse. The fights are choreographed worse than a backyard wrestling match and when they decide to spice things up and toss in a rape the actress still has her panties on and her attacker still has has damn pants on as he's trying to pound her through the mattress. These idiots even fail Exploitation 101.

In short this is only for masochists and those with an insatiable thirst for obscure regional films. Oh wait, I'm being redundant...